I picture my own arrival on the other side, imagining myself to being rather
indignant. I hear my first question as: 'Okay... just what was that all
about?' Then the days, I see myself gratefully aware the experiences and
tests were endured and that most lessons were grasped. Crazy stuff.
"What I have
been discovering in my own life is that learning to rid myself of an addiction
is initially began by realizing my inability is built on the fear of losing
something I dearly love....We feel vunerable...too vulnerable. It would
be easier to walk around downtown naked, or it would be easier to forfeit
a portion of our life on earth.
"But what finally
hit me Summer was that I actually realized wanting to quit. I realized
I wanted the chance to learn to paint, write, and generally live, without
the 30 year on and off habit of smoking. I wanted to see what new creative
juices would come, good or bad. Painful or not. I wanted to learn to interpret
a movie or article or piece of music or even digest my dinner without the
message being tainted by anything other than my natural and spiritual mind....Slowly,
my head has been exiting a vice-like womb which once constrained me with
rather artificial and common stimuli....I wanted to feel the pain of quitting
so I could eventually experience the freedom.
"We are taught
to run from the pain, instead of embracing it, when in fact, it is the
pain which actually heals us. In a sense, it has been like being a child